Hello there, my name is Beka and i am starting this journal...about lots of things but especially my ed. OK so with out further ado, i am 5'3.5 and i weigh 160 lbs gross right... its all because of marriage. people always say you gain weight but i didn't think i would gain so much OK let me start from the Top. i am a twin, we are as different as strangers...i am the smallest person in my family, but for me sooo big, anyways my sister is tall blond with big blue eyes and beautiful...but she has always been heavy (which she is extremely comfortable with and has disgustingly high levels of confidence.) and by heavy i mean 60+ lbs then me. i have brown hair brown eyes and i am shorter i always maintained a good 120-125 weight, i got up to about 145 when i was 15 and my mother told me i was getting fat (she constantly told my sister she was fat...i guess she had a strong mind to not be so vulnerable) but when i heard that i freaked and did research on how to lose weight, and guess what...i did. i got back to my old self but cutting out dinner, for lunch i would drink a shake, and breakfast i would drink orange juice, my mom was never worried in fact she was sort of proud of me...well that was my life i gained a little and lost back down to my normal weight...when i turned 17 i started dating a guy that was a ken doll OMG he was wonderfully beautiful...but he was an extreme perfectionist...and one day after we had been going out a while he said i was "a little fat" and i said what should i do? tell me what to do I'll do anything to look the way you want me to. he told me to go on and apple water diet...that meant 1 apple a day...no coffee just water... so i did with amazing results...and i loved the way i felt but and so officially began my good friendship with Ana, now it was different then when i was 15...i wasn't trying to maintain i was trying to be as small as possible and i was...my smallest was 103. but my journey there really made me, shaped me as a person...not only my body but my mind...one night i went out with my friend and they wanted pizza so we went to pizza hut....it was late so they had already put up the salad bar, but fortunately i stuffed an apple in my bag before i left, so i started eating it when the pizza came which i didn't care much about then i was dedicated to lose my weight but my friend freaked out on me especially my one friend (who is naturally skinny like a model BTW)...and told me i shouldn't let a guy decide what i should eat..anyways i blew her off and told her to give it a rest that i didn't care what she thought because i was just using his feeling towards me as a blanket excuse so i didn't have to say "well I'm anorexic"...the next day i went into the kitchen to get my apple for lunch i opened the fridge and there it was...my sisters left over pizza from the night before and no apple...i was hungry and alone sooo no one would know...i ate one piece...and i tried to throw it up but couldn't i hated puking it grosses me out sooo i decided to take a laxative...it was wonderful so i started doing that once a week just to you know, flush myself out but i would completely fast the day before and day of so i would be empty...some people say that's a type of Mia but i don't know what do you think?...any ways sooo finally i got to 104 and my bf dumped me..sad but determined to maintain my thinness i started my juice breakfast shake lunch and no dinner...got to 115...started dating a good friend of mine a month later...we were close so after about 2 months we got engaged...and 6 months later married... now i was happy...i lost touch with Ana... because my husband was a big foody even though he has a great body he could eat any thing the biggest meals in the world and maintain his rocking abs. so now 3 years later i am disgusted with myself and have gotten back in touch with Ana and plan to say with her though thick and thin...hopefully thin...:) anyways I'm 21 and i am ready to be back to my good old self...and i think this is the best way to start. OK well if i didn't mention before my starting weight was 185 and now I'm down to 160 so that's good right...disgusting but good....
bye bye for now and stay skinny.
Is anybody out there like ME?
